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One Liners
![]() 1. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
![]() 2. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
![]() 3. There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
![]() 4. Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.
![]() 5. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
![]() 6. Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
![]() 7. Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
![]() 8. A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
![]() 9. For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
![]() 10. I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
![]() 11. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
![]() 12. I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
![]() 13. Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
![]() 14. Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
![]() 15. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
![]() 16. There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
![]() 17. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
![]() 18. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
![]() 19. A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
![]() 20. I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
![]() 21. Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
![]() 22. If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
![]() 23. Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
![]() 24. Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
![]() 25. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
![]() 26. If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
![]() 27. If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
![]() 28. Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
![]() 29. It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
![]() 30. Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
![]() 31. Look out for #1. Don't step in #2.
![]() 32. Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
![]() 33. Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
![]() 34. Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
![]() 35. Do witches run spell checkers?
![]() 36. Demons are a Ghouls best Friend.
![]() 37. Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
![]() 38. Dain bramaged.
![]() 39. Department of Redundancy Department
![]() 40. Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!
![]() 41. What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
![]() 42. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
![]() 43. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
![]() 44. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
![]() 45. 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
![]() 46. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
![]() 47. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
![]() 48. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
![]() 49. C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
![]() 50. C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
![]() 51. <-------- The information went data way --------
![]() 52. Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
![]() 53. The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
![]() 54. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
![]() 55. The name is Baud......, James Baud.
![]() 56. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
![]() 57. Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
![]() 58. C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
![]() 59. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
![]() 60. Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
![]() 61. As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
![]() 62. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
![]() 63. Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.
![]() 64. E Pluribus Modem
![]() 65. >... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
![]() 66. Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
![]() 67. A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
![]() 68. An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
![]() 69. CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
![]() 70. Does fuzzy logic tickle?
![]() 71. A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
![]() 72. 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.
![]() 73. 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
![]() 74. Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
![]() 75. Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
![]() 76. SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
![]() 77. Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
![]() 78. Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
![]() 79. RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
![]() 80. Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
![]() 81. All computers wait at the same speed.
![]() 82. DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
![]() 83. Press <CTRL>-<ALT>-<DEL> to continue ...
![]() 84. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
![]() 85. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
![]() 86. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
![]() 87. E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
![]() 88. Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!
![]() 89. All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
![]() 90. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
![]() 91. "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981
![]() 92. DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
![]() 93. Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
![]() 94. Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
![]() 95. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
![]() 96. Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
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